I’m giving some tough love today! I want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know, I know, throwing a pity party is how you’ve always done it. But there is so much freedom in owning that we are in that place of feeling sorry for ourselves and need to take the steps to get out.
We are diving into how to stop feeling sorry for yourself AND take control of your life.
Just a little story to get us started. I like to record voice messages when I’m driving. It’s the best way for me to process through some things I’m thinking about. Sometimes I forget about it and don’t go back and listen.
But recently, I went back and listened to a message I recorded last year. I was in such a terrible place, both mentally and financially. I was wallowing in self-pity. “Woe is me”, “nothing works out for me”, “I’ll never have the life and business I desire”, and other downer thoughts filled my mind. I just couldn’t seem to get out of that rut.
Then, I realized that those thoughts were actually creating my results. My thinking was making me take less action, drink more wine, exercise less, and continue repeating the “woe is me” cycle.
Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself and Take Control of Your Life.
I’m going to teach you how to stop feeling sorry for yourself, even when life is tough and you’re in that place of hopelessness, and make progress toward your goals. I know you desire a better life. Maybe your circumstances stay the same and you just want to have a better mindset. Maybe you want a better marriage. You might want to start a business, quit a job, have a calmer attitude toward your children or learn to say no and stop feeling so overwhelmed. For now, you can’t seem to get out of the funk of feeling sorry for yourself and you need some help.
I’m going to start with a quote from Byron Katie:
“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there” – as long as you think that anyone or anything else is responsible for your suffering – the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of the victim.”
What does it mean to be a “victim”?
If you are playing the role of the victim in life, you’re stuck in suffering. Simply put. You are literally wallowing in your own self-pity. You’re blaming other people – your boss, your husband – or you’re blaming your job, your money (or lack thereof), and you’re giving the responsibility for your life and mindset over to someone or something else.
While it’s happening, it seems only natural to place the blame externally. Of course, it’s your husband’s fault that you are unhappy in your marriage. You do everything, you think. Of course, it’s your job’s fault that you’re miserable at work. You haven’t been happy there in years.
However, the reality is that it’s always always always your responsibility for how you feel about your marriage, your schedule, your boss, your job, and your life in general.
Your thoughts determine your feelings, which drive your actions, which create your results.
This is good news! It means that:
“It’s no longer necessary to wait for people or situations to change in order to experience peace and harmony.” – Byron Katie
You have ALL of the power within you to create change. Your current circumstances are neutral and you can choose to think about them HOWEVER you want. Which means, even if you aren’t where you want to be, you can CHOOSE to think how you would as if you were there.
How to take control of your life.
Step 1: Evaluate how you are currently thinking.
Write it out. Sit down when you’re feeling the most frustrated about life and stuck in feeling sorry for yourself. If you’re driving or busy doing something else, voice record yourself.
Step 2: Pick the thought that you find yourself thinking about the most.
Is it “it won’t ever work out for me” or “good things happen for other people and not me”? Notice your go-to thought.
Step 3: Think about that thought and how it makes you feel.
Do you feel frustrated, sad, bitter? And then when you feel that feeling, how do you act? Do you blame other people, lash out at your husband or kids, post your sad story on Facebook? Get honest with yourself about how your behavior changes when you’re thinking those “woe is me” thoughts.
Step 4: Realize that thinking that way is only bringing you back to the same place.
It isn’t serving you at all to think that. You’ve seen how it has shaped how you behave and if I know you, I’d guess that you don’t want to behave that way. You don’t want to continue repeating the same patterns in your life.
Step 5: Imagine the life you want.
The job, the marriage, the less stressful schedule, the peacefulness. Now, let’s say you’re already there. You have the thriving marriage, the organized home, the job you love. What does that person think? How does that person feel about life? You thinking that way and feeling how you’d feel then is the key to getting there. That is how you make it happen.
If you’ve done this process and it still feels impossible, get coached. Having someone else call you out on those thoughts that you keep thinking will get you out of that mindset way faster than you will on your own. And with much more ease.
For now, take the balloons down and get rid of the cake. The pity party is over.